I Chose the Sea Over Them

During my junior year, the university opened five spots for an overseas exchange program, and my childhood friends invited me to go with them. When I refused, Sean Copley, the childhood friend I had secretly loved for years, kissed me outside my dorm. “Once the program’s over, we’ll make it official.” For him, I gave up my chance to attend graduate school and signed the exchange agreement. On the day before we were set to leave, I happily wheeled my suitcase over to meet them, only to overhear their conversation. “If we’re all staying behind, how’s she going to manage on her own abroad?” “But if she stays, how will Katelyn get into our research group?” “She’s always been a loner. We’re all she has, so she’ll come back eventually.” My hands trembled as I pushed the door open. Everyone else looked flustered, but Sean merely frowned and said, “We can’t leave Katelyn here alone just for your sake. Yeah, just head over first. We’ll join you in six months at the latest.” The others quickly chimed in with reassurances. “When have we ever really abandoned you?” I watched them close ranks around Katelyn Schiff, then slowly nodded and left. Unbeknownst to them, I had applied for a joint research training program with the National Deep-Sea Research Institute. I would spend the next eight years at an overseas base and aboard research vessels. Since they had tricked me into leaving alone, I would go even farther on my own. Chapter 1 Silence fell the moment I pushed the door open. Katelyn Schiff instinctively stepped behind Sean Copley, twisting her sleeve between her fingers until her knuckles turned white. My gaze shifted to the papers on the table. Four withdrawal forms lay there, each signed a month ago. Sean gathered them up and spoke in a matter-of-fact tone. “What’s done is done. We can’t leave Katelyn here alone just for your sake. We’ll apply for the next round within six months at the latest, then come join you.” The others quickly chimed in. “Exactly. When have we ever really abandoned you?” “Just go ahead and secure your place. It’s not like you’re moving there permanently.” I watched them close ranks around Katelyn, my throat tightening. Katelyn bit her lip and looked at me timidly. “Please don’t be mad, Cora. I never wanted them to give up their spots…” Her eyes had already reddened, and her breathing quickened as though she were about to have an anxiety attack. Sean slipped an arm around her shoulders and murmured reassuringly, “Take it easy. Breathe slowly. This has nothing to do with you.” He turned to me, impatience creeping into his voice. “Cora, look how terrified Katelyn is. If you have a problem, take it up with me. Leave her out of it.” Joel Hepburn stepped over to join them, folding his arms across his chest. “See? I told you Cora was sensible enough not to make a scene. Right?” Isaac Cheever backed him up. “Katelyn has always been in poor health. You could at least cut her some slack.” Though Mitchell Gundry said nothing, he sided with Katelyn. Of the five of us, four rallied around Katelyn, leaving me alone in the doorway like an outsider who had wandered uninvited into someone else’s family gathering. I took a deep breath and placed the envelope on the table. “The boarding passes are inside. Do whatever you want with yours.” As I turned away, tears finally spilled down my cheeks. I did not bother wiping them away. With my head bowed, I hurried out of the lounge. Only after I left the research building and the cold wind brushed against my damp cheeks did I realize I had been trembling the whole time. Just then, my phone buzzed with an incoming call from Rowan Estabrook, the dean. “Cora, the National Deep-Sea Research Institute is still holding a place for you in its joint research training program. It lasts eight years. You’ll spend the first three stationed at an overseas base, then join research vessels on their missions. “Once you sign the agreement, your itinerary, communications, and whereabouts will all be subject to strict confidentiality requirements.” I glanced back at the brightly lit lounge. It had once held the person I loved most and the friends I thought I would never lose. But they were probably busy comforting Katelyn right then. “Mr. Estabrook, I’ve decided to accept.” Since they had tricked me into leaving alone, I would go even farther away, somewhere they could never find me. Chapter 2 The next day, I went to the Office of International Programs to submit the remaining paperwork. After getting my blood drawn, I noticed Katelyn had posted a new update on social media. In the photo, she wore my lab coat as Sean stood behind her, adjusting her safety goggles. Joel and Isaac gathered around the equipment, while Mitchell held up a welcome sign that read, [New Team Member.] Her caption read, [Thanks to everyone who willingly stayed for me. Now I know what it feels like to be someone’s unwavering choice.] Dozens of comments quickly appeared beneath the post. [Four geniuses giving up their exchange spots for her? She’s living out a romance novel.] [Some people try to guilt-trip their friends into sacrificing their futures, only for those friends to choose someone more deserving.] Katelyn did not explain but responded with a pleading-face emoji instead. When I casually liked her post, the five-person group chat with Sean and the others erupted almost instantly. Joel: Katelyn just posted something. Who are you trying to take a dig at? Mitchell: She already feels guilty enough. Don’t upset her. Sean: You’re leaving the country anyway. Let’s not end things on bad terms. For three years, I had shared more than two thousand files in that group, and just yesterday, they had insisted that they could not manage without me. Yet a single like on Katelyn’s post had somehow turned me into the villain. Before I could reply, a small notification appeared at the top of the chat, [You’ve been removed from the group]. I stared at the message for several seconds before closing the chat and deleting the local backup of the group’s shared files. A staff member at the Office of International Programs pushed a stack of documents toward me. “This eight-year program isn’t an ordinary exchange. You can’t just withdraw halfway through, and you might not be able to return home for the holidays. Any romantic relationships must be disclosed in advance. Do you have a boyfriend?” I paused briefly, my pen hovering over the paper. “No.” To my surprise, I felt relieved as soon as I said it. That afternoon, the college held a farewell ceremony for the exchange students. As the student representative, I was scheduled to present the latest results from our autonomous underwater vehicle project. On my way backstage, I overheard several girls talking around a corner in the hallway. “Cora is way too controlling. I heard Sean and others wanted to stay at the university, but she pressured them into going abroad with her.” “Exactly. Katelyn’s anxiety is already so severe, yet Cora still has to make an issue out of this.” “No wonder all four guys are avoiding her.” I slowed for a moment, then walked past them with my head down, pretending I had not heard a word. Backstage, I set down my bag of materials and began checking the presentation files on my external hard drive. Suddenly, Amy Wilford, Katelyn’s roommate, appeared in front of me, followed by two other girls. “Cora.” She called out to me, her expression hostile. “Did you know that Katelyn’s anxiety flared up again today?” I looked up at her. “What does that have to do with me?” “How does it not concern you?” She sneered. “You were throwing shade on social media yesterday. Katelyn stared at your post all night and barely slept. Her hands are still shaking today.” I saw no point in explaining, so I did not bother. “Move. I need to prepare for my presentation.” I reached for the hard drive on the table, but before I could grab it, Amy snatched it. “You haven’t even apologized for hurting her, and you still have the nerve to give your presentation?” “Give it back,” I said. “It’s just a stupid project. Why are you acting like it’s so precious?” With that, she turned and ran. I chased Amy out of the backstage area, down the hallway, and all the way to the Ocean Engineering Center’s testing area. She stopped before the wave tank’s safety door and held the hard drive high above her head. “You’ll get it back when you apologize to Katelyn.” As I approached, she flung the hard drive inside and ran off. I rushed inside to retrieve it, but the safety door clicked shut behind me and locked from the outside. I heard Amy laughing through the door. “Just shout when you’ve come to your senses!” At that moment, an alarm blared throughout the testing area. The automated wave-generation system was about to activate. Chapter 3 There was no cell service around the wave tank. My phone was still in the bag of presentation materials backstage, and my hard drive lay on the ground beside the tank. A loudspeaker overhead began counting down. “The wave-generation system will activate in ten minutes. All unauthorized personnel must leave the area immediately.” I rushed to the safety door and pounded on it with all my strength. “Open up!” No one answered from the other side. The footsteps had long since faded. I turned to look at the tank. It was designed to simulate ocean conditions and could generate waves as high as six and a half feet. The walls were smooth with nothing to grab onto, and only the maintenance platform in the distance rose above the water. But to reach the maintenance ladder from where I stood, I would have to run along the tank’s slippery edge. I had spent most of the previous night organizing my travel documents and had barely slept, leaving my legs weak and my hands shaking. I had barely taken a few steps when the wave-generation system roared to life. The first wall of water slammed into me, knocking me off my feet and sending my back crashing against the tank wall as water rushed into my mouth and nose. I struggled to get back on my feet, but the second wave came right behind the first and swept me into the tank. With nothing beneath my feet and churning water all around me, it was just like that day when I was twelve. I opened my mouth to scream, only to choke on a large gulp of water. My fingers scraped against the smooth tank wall, but I could not get a grip on anything. The farewell ceremony was taking place in the auditorium next door, and the host was introducing me. “Next, please welcome Cora Sherman, our exchange student representative!” Applause echoed through the wall, but no one knew I was struggling in the water. Wave after wave forced me under, then tossed me back to the surface. My strength was fading fast. As my consciousness began to slip away, I suddenly recalled that summer when I was twelve. The five of us had gone to the beach together for the first time. We had been friends for three years, and because we all loved the ocean, we had promised each other as kids that we would explore the deep sea together when we grew up. That afternoon, an undercurrent swept me away. I swallowed several mouthfuls of water, my limbs went numb, and all I could see were waves crashing around me. Sean had been the first to jump in after me. Like me, he was only twelve, small and skinny, and still a fairly inexperienced swimmer. Yet he had jumped in without a second thought. On shore, Joel was frantic and burst into tears. Isaac ran barefoot to get an adult, while Mitchell threw me his life jacket. By the time Sean dragged me ashore, I had no strength left. He knelt on the sand, soaking wet, and desperately pressed on my chest, his voice trembling. “Cora, you can’t die! Do you hear me?” The moment I started coughing up water, all four boys burst into tears. Joel wiped his runny nose and said, “You’re never going into the water alone again!” Meanwhile, Isaac clutched my hand, his palm slick with sweat. Mitchell’s voice choked with emotion as he wrapped his jacket around me. “That was terrifying… I thought you were never coming back.” Sean said nothing. He just held me in his arms for a long, long time. For years afterward, they took turns staying beside me during swimming lessons. “Cora’s afraid of the water. We’ll keep an eye on her.” From then on, the five of us shared a promise. “We’ll explore the deep sea together someday. No one gets left behind.” Back then, I thought they would always be there to protect me. Half an hour later, familiar voices finally echoed through the hallway. Joel sounded irritated. “Cora never showed up onstage, and Mr. Estabrook looked furious. Where is she?” Katelyn said softly, “Maybe she’s still mad at me and deliberately hiding somewhere.” Sean’s voice turned cold. “Stop looking for her. Whenever she throws a fit, doesn’t she just wait for us to comfort her? This time, none of us should indulge her.” Isaac suddenly asked, “Sean, are you really planning to get together with her when she returns from the exchange program?” After a few seconds of silence, Sean replied, “We’ll see.” “Then, why did you kiss her outside her dorm?” Joel laughed. “Come on, man. You kissed her, and you’re still saying ‘we’ll see’?” Sean’s voice was frighteningly calm. “She’s been in love with me for years. If I’d rejected her before she left, she would’ve given up the exchange program and kept clinging to all of us. “I just had to give her a little hope so she’d leave without worrying. Once she has adjusted to living abroad, I’ll explain everything to her in time.” Mitchell lowered his voice. “Isn’t that just lying to her?” “I’m doing it for her own good.” Sean paused before continuing, “She’s too much of a loner and can’t manage anything without us. We have to give her something to hold on to until she gets settled in.” Katelyn asked quietly, “What about when she comes back?” Sean chuckled. “She’ll come back. She can’t bear to leave me or the rest of us.” Their voices gradually faded into the distance. Meanwhile, the wave-generation system had been running for forty minutes. By the time the staff discovered me during their inspection, I was floating on the surface of the tank. My lips were purple, and I was no longer breathing. Chapter 4 When I woke up, the sharp smell of disinfectant stung my nostrils. I tried to move, but my chest felt as heavy as lead, and every breath sent a sharp pain through me. The doctor told me that my heart had stopped for nearly two minutes after I nearly drowned. I had developed aspiration pneumonia from inhaling a large amount of water from the tank. My knees were bruised, I had a hematoma at the back of my head, and I had abrasions all over my body. If help had arrived just a few minutes later, I would not have survived. The hospital room door stood slightly ajar, and Katelyn’s voice drifted in from the hallway. “I honestly had no idea they’d lock her inside… I just casually complained to my roommates that Cora seemed upset. I never thought they’d go that far.” She was crying, her breathing growing increasingly rapid as though she were on the verge of an anxiety attack. “It’s all my fault. If it weren’t for me, Cora wouldn’t have nearly…” Sean’s voice was barely above a whisper. “Stop thinking about it. You’re going to have another attack if you keep this up. Take a deep breath, and follow my lead.” Just then, the door swung open. Katelyn entered with red-rimmed eyes, followed by Sean, Joel, Isaac, and Mitchell. The moment she saw that I was awake, Katelyn rushed to my bedside. “Cora, you’re finally awake!” She trembled with sobs as she clutched the edge of my blanket with both hands. “I’m so sorry. This is all my fault. I shouldn’t have said those things to them. I never thought it would turn out like this…” I looked at her without saying a word. Joel stood behind her, his expression conflicted. “I know you’ve been through a lot, but Katelyn never meant for any of this to happen. Her anxiety has gotten so bad over the past two days that they’ve had to increase her medication again.” Isaac chimed in. “Katelyn has already apologized, so just let it go. The school has disciplined her roommates, too. Let’s put this behind us.” Sean sat in the chair beside my bed and looked at me. For a brief moment, his expression faltered before settling back to its usual calm. “What’s done is done. There’s no point in going over it again and again. You know Katelyn wasn’t the one behind it.” Mitchell said nothing. He simply placed a bag of fruit on the bedside table. I listened to everything they said, but when I tried to speak, I could not get a single word out. After what felt like an eternity, I finally heard my own hoarse voice. “It’s behind us.” Katelyn looked up at me through tear-filled eyes, as though she could hardly believe I had agreed so quickly. Sean visibly relaxed, too. “Then, focus on getting better. Don’t dwell on it.” One by one, they left, and the hospital room fell silent again. I stared at the ceiling and pulled the blanket up to my chin as tears streamed down my face. “It’s behind us. Yes, it really is. But some things, once broken, can never be put back together.” Chapter 5 By the fifth day of my hospital stay, I could get out of bed and walk around. But the inflammation in my lungs had not completely subsided, and I became short of breath after only a few steps. Katelyn brought me food every day and cried every time she came. Sean occasionally accompanied her, but he never stayed long. Joel and Isaac came by twice, but their conversations never strayed from lab matters. Mitchell was the most frequent visitor. Yet he spent his visits quietly peeling fruit. On the seventh day, Katelyn came again. “Cora, there’s something I’d like to discuss with you.” She sat beside my bed, her voice so gentle it sounded like she was soothing a child. “You remember the marine observation station at Blackreef Bay, right?” Of course I did. During our sophomore year, the five of us had built a small marine observation station at Blackreef Bay, behind the university. Calling it an observation station was a stretch. It was more like our secret hideout. I was the one who had found the bay. We spent an entire summer welding support frames, installing sensors, and connecting solar panels ourselves. The station monitored water temperature, salinity, currents, and tidal data in real time. It was the project we had been most proud of throughout our undergraduate years. Inside, we had an underwater camera we designed together, footage of the first dolphins we ever captured on film, and data models we had spent countless sleepless nights developing. All five of our names were engraved on the control console, beside a crooked little whale. Sean had drawn it, and we teased him about it for an entire semester. The five of us had jointly applied for the rights to use the station. I had been footing the maintenance bills all along, and I was the only one keeping the data system running. “About the observation station…” Katelyn looked down. “Sean and the others said they wanted to include me. But all five access slots were already taken, and adding me would mean having to reapply.” She looked up at me with tentative hope in her eyes. “Cora, since you’re going abroad and might not be back for a year, could you transfer your access rights to me?” I curled my fingers slightly. We had built that station because all five of us shared a passion for the ocean. It was the most tangible proof of our promise to explore the deep sea together someday. I had once believed that no matter what happened, there would always be a place for me there. “Did Sean and the others… agree to this?” Katelyn nodded. “They said you’d understand. After all, you’ll be gone for a year. If no one maintains the equipment, it’ll fall into disrepair.” I looked at her sincere smile and suddenly felt as though they had been erasing me from their circle, little by little, from the very beginning. First, it was the exchange program, then the research group, and finally, even the observation station that held all our dreams of the ocean was being taken from me. After what felt like an eternity, I finally heard myself reply, “All right.” Katelyn’s eyes lit up. “Really? Cora, you’re the best!” She stood up, gave me a quick hug, and practically skipped out, probably to share the good news with the others. I sat alone in my hospital bed, staring blankly out the window at the gray sky for a long time. On the day I was discharged, I told no one and took a cab to Blackreef Bay by myself. The tide had just gone out, and sunlight glinted off the station’s solar panels. I opened the control console and backed up two years’ worth of data onto my encrypted hard drive. Then, I stood there and looked at it all for a long time. The five names on the console were still there, and so was the crooked little whale. I ran my fingers over the scratch beside my name. I had accidentally left it there while testing the equipment one day. Sean had fussed over it for ages, telling me to be more careful next time. After sending Katelyn the electronic signature to transfer my access rights, I took the station’s physical key out of my pocket and placed it on the control console. As I turned to leave, the strong sea breeze stung my eyes. My phone kept lighting up with incoming messages on the way to the harbor. Joel: Where are you? Katelyn said you agreed to it, so send us the station password. Isaac: Have you transferred the maintenance funds for this month? Mitchell: Cora, have you been discharged? Why didn’t you tell us? Finally, Sean messaged me. Sean: Did you back up the station’s data? Sean: Whatever. It doesn’t matter. Sean: Have a safe trip. I did not reply to a single message after reading them. At the pier, a massive research vessel waited to depart, its navigation lights already glowing. My research advisor handed me the confidentiality agreement. “Once you’re aboard, you’ll have to turn in all your personal devices. For the next eight years, your work location, the vessels’ routes, and personal information must remain confidential. It isn’t too late to change your mind.” A long, mournful ship’s horn sounded in the distance. I signed my name at the bottom of the agreement, then removed my SIM card and snapped it in half just as Sean’s call came through. After powering off my phone, I handed it to a staff member. “Mr. Jarrell, I’ve made up my mind.” The gangway slowly raised, and I wheeled my suitcase onto the deck without looking back. A moment later, the ship shuddered as it pulled away from the dock, and the harbor lights began to fade into the distance. The salty sea breeze swept over me, and at last, I was sailing alone, far out to sea.