You Were My Plan. Not My Future

On the night of senior prom, I stayed beside Ethan Cole as I always had. Someone teased us again. “Why don’t we give the dance floor to our favorite childhood sweethearts?” I had heard that joke countless times, but the secret I had kept for years still made my cheeks burn. Ethan said nothing. He did not ask me to dance. He walked out of the ballroom and into the night. I waited before following him. I had barely reached the doorway when I heard his voice, low and flat with impatience. “It’s suffocating. Does she have to follow me everywhere?” He was the one who said it. He was also the one who had promised I could depend on him until I fully recovered. I spent the rest of that night alone in the empty ballroom. The following Monday morning, I passed the college wish wall outside our classroom and removed the note bearing the name Westbridge University. It was the school we had promised to attend together. I still wanted him beside me. But I would no longer choose my future just to stay beside him. Chapter 1 When I returned to the classroom, Ethan was talking to a girl beside his desk. He looked up and spoke as naturally as ever, as if I had never heard what he said outside prom. “Where are your sunglasses?” I rubbed my aching temple. Afternoon sunlight poured through the windows, making my eyes sting and my stomach turn. “I left them in the ballroom.” I had suffered a concussion during soccer practice the previous fall. The scans showed no permanent damage, but the dizziness, headaches, and sensitivity to light had lingered. My doctor expected a full recovery. I simply needed more time. Ethan frowned, stood, and lowered the blinds beside my seat. “Wait for me after school. I’ll drive you home.” I nodded. We had been making that trip together for months. For a moment, the familiar arrangement was comforting. Then I remembered what I had heard at prom. He was offering me a ride. That did not mean anything between us had changed. After classes ended, someone appeared at the door and called Ethan away. Before leaving, he told me to wait in the classroom. So I waited. One hour passed, and the voices in the hallway faded. By the end of the second hour, only the rattle of a custodian’s cart disturbed the silence. I reached for my phone to call Ethan, but the screen flashed once before going black. The last teacher leaving the building found me. “Avery? Why are you still here?” She knew I was recovering from a concussion and sometimes became dizzy without warning. She offered to drive me home. “Thank you. I’d appreciate that.” When she called Ethan to let him know, he said he had just pulled into the parking lot. She stayed with me until he reached the classroom. “I texted you. I told you to go home.” “My phone died.” I put it in my bag. “I waited because you asked me to.” He glanced at the empty desks. “Come on. I’ll take you.” He barely spoke during the drive. Most of the time, he was answering messages. A faint scent clung to his jacket, something like citrus and crushed rosemary. It had not been there that morning. I wanted to ask where he had gone, but I kept quiet. As we reached my apartment building, someone called his name. Several classmates waited near the entrance. I recognized Chloe Hayes, the student council president. She hosted the morning announcements, earned perfect grades, and seemed to know everyone at school. When she walked closer, I caught the same citrus and rosemary perfume. Ethan took a few steps toward them. “What are you doing here?” “The restaurant is around the corner,” Chloe said. “Everyone’s waiting for you.” “Give me a minute. I’m taking Avery inside.” Mason glanced at the entrance only a short distance away. “You already got her home. Does she really need an escort to the door?” Another girl quietly explained, “She still gets dizzy sometimes.” Mason gave a careless laugh. “She usually looks fine. Sometimes I wonder if she’s gotten too used to Ethan taking care of her.” “It’s Chloe’s birthday,” another boy added. “We’ve been waiting forever.” My fingers tightened around my backpack strap. So Ethan had forgotten me because he was celebrating Chloe’s birthday. When he returned, I forced my voice to remain steady. “Go with them. I can get inside by myself.” He hesitated. “Are you sure?” “I’m sure.” I turned and entered the courtyard. Behind me, Mason called jokingly, “Do you need to tuck her into bed too?” Ethan’s voice hardened. “She’s still recovering. Don’t talk about her like that.” “I was kidding.” “She’s my friend. Stop making it weird.” My steps faltered. Hearing him defend me, I almost turned back. Then I remembered his voice outside the ballroom. He had sounded just as certain when he complained about having me around. I kept walking, no longer sure whether he wanted to help or simply felt he had to. The courtyard was well lit. I had not experienced a serious dizzy spell in weeks, and walking home alone should have been easy. After waiting for two hours, however, my temples were throbbing and my legs felt unsteady. I moved carefully along the path while his words from prom repeated in my mind. We had grown up across the street from each other. Ethan used to knock on my door every morning before school. He carried my practice bag and accompanied me to every appointment after the accident. Whenever people said I relied on him too much, he insisted it did not matter. When had those small acts become something that made him feel trapped? A wave of dizziness hit without warning. My shoe caught on the edge of the grass, and I fell hard against the stone path. Pain burned across my palm. I remained on the ground, briefly disoriented. Ethan would never have forgotten me before. I had trusted him when he told me to wait. After all those months of him showing up, I hadn’t thought I needed another way home. Next time, I would arrange one. “Avery!” Rapid footsteps approached from behind. Ethan crouched in front of me. One hand steadied my shoulder while the other carefully examined my scraped palm. “This is what you meant by saying you’d be fine?” His voice was sharp with worry, but his touch remained gentle. “Did you hit your head? Are you dizzy?” “It’s only my hand.” He helped me stand. Then he slowed his pace and walked beside me instead of returning to Chloe and the others. He stayed until we reached my front door. Before leaving, he told me to clean the scrape and call him if my headache worsened. For a moment, I wanted to ask him to stay. Instead, I thanked him and went inside. His concern still mattered to me. So did what he had said when he thought I couldn’t hear. Chapter 2 Ethan’s birthday was two days away. His present was already wrapped. I had bought it before prom and tucked a birthday card under the wrapping. The next morning, I took it to his house. I wanted him to have it, even if I was no longer sure where our friendship stood. His mother, Melissa, opened the door and smiled. “Avery, come inside. The sun is too strong for you to be walking around alone.” “I wore my sunglasses and took the shaded route.” “You still shouldn’t stay outside too long.” She glanced upstairs. “Ethan has been gaming since breakfast. The state merit scholarship exam is only a few weeks away, and your school still gives you a day off.” She set some fruit on the kitchen island. “Go keep him company. Tell me what you want for dinner.” After Melissa left, I knocked on Ethan’s bedroom door. He was wearing a headset, his eyes fixed on the computer screen and a controller in his hands. When he noticed me, he waved me inside. I sat on the couch behind him. The images changed too quickly, so I lowered my eyes before they could trigger another headache. Voices drifted through his headset. Ethan answered easily and laughed several times. I had not heard him sound that relaxed around me in months. When the match ended, he pulled one side of the headset away. “The sunlight is brutal today. Why did you come over?” I handed him the box I had brought. “Happy early birthday, Ethan.” “Thanks.” He placed it beside his computer without opening it. A girl’s voice came through his headset. “Ethan, come back. We’ve been losing all morning.” It was Chloe. “If you join us, we might finally have a chance.” “I’m coming.” He replaced the headset, then glanced back at me. “There are some new books on the shelf. Take whatever you want.” He turned to the screen again. I recognized a collection of short stories we had once argued about for an entire afternoon. We used to trade books and disagree over which endings worked. Today, he hadn’t even asked what I was reading. The screen was starting to hurt my eyes. At home, a half-finished story waited in my notebook. I had been stuck on the ending for weeks, but I wanted to try again. I reached for my bag. “I’m going home.” He called my name as I picked up my bag. “You’re still going to Westbridge, right?” “I’m not—” “Go left, Chloe. I’ll cover you.” I turned toward the door. Ethan frowned and set his controller on the desk. “You’re leaving because I interrupted you? Okay, I’ve stopped. What were you saying?” “Nothing. Finish your game.” He started to rise as I walked out. “Ethan!” Chloe called through his headset. “We need you.” He hesitated, then sat back down. “I’ll call you later,” he said. Ethan watched the doorway for another moment before returning to the screen. Avery had never minded waiting for him before. He would finish the match and make it up to her tomorrow. My gaze fell on the unopened gift. Inside was a limited-edition controller, midnight blue with silver buttons. Ethan had shown me a picture of it months ago. He already had a working controller, but he had kept going back to look at that one. I remembered. It took two weeks of checking store listings before I found one still in stock. Now it sat beside his computer, unopened. As I put on my shoes downstairs, I heard his voice from the bedroom. Someone must have asked about Westbridge. “Westbridge? I don’t really want to go. The town is too quiet, and it’s nowhere near the ocean.” Someone replied, and Ethan laughed. “I’ll decide after the acceptance letters arrive.” My hand tightened around the doorknob. If he did not want Westbridge, why had he asked whether I was still going? Did he want to know where I would be so he could choose somewhere else? The front door opened. Melissa entered carrying grocery bags. “Avery, are you leaving already? Stay for dinner.” I forced a smile. “No, thank you. I should go home and study.” She did not insist. Instead, she called upstairs. “Ethan! Stop playing for one minute and come say goodbye to Avery.” I stepped outside into the bright sunlight. Warmth spread across my skin, but something inside me felt hollow. Our promise about Westbridge could end here. Ethan no longer cared about it. I did not need to keep holding on alone. The night before the state merit scholarship exam, he sent me a message. I’ll pick you up tomorrow morning. I stared at it before replying. No need. My mom will take me. The next morning, Mom dropped me at the entrance. “Call me when you’re finished,” she said. “I will.” Inside, I checked the notice board for my assigned room. I had spent weeks working through practice papers, studying in shorter sessions when my head hurt. I wanted the scholarship. It would give me more choice about where to study, and I had started looking at colleges with writing programs that interested me. I checked that my identification and exam pass were in my pouch, memorized the room number, and turned around. Someone slammed into me from behind. Chapter 3 My document pouch fell from my hands. Pencils, erasers, and identification papers scattered across the floor. My exam pass slid several feet away. “Sorry. Didn’t see you.” Mason had bumped into me. I crouched to retrieve the pass. Before my fingers reached it, his shoe came down on the paper. Mason wore the expression people used when they thought an insult counted as a joke. “Do you really still get dizzy, or have you gotten used to everyone taking care of you?” “That’s none of your business.” I gripped the edge of the paper, but he did not move his foot. “You look completely fine. Using last year’s concussion is getting a little old.” People nearby began watching. “Move your foot.” “I’m only saying you should give Ethan some space. You always need rides or someone waiting for you. Is that fair to him?” “What happens between Ethan and me has nothing to do with you.” I pulled harder. Mason shifted his shoe, and the paper tore down the middle. “I didn’t mean to do that.” Before he could finish, someone shoved him aside. Ethan stood there, his face cold. “What are you doing?” “She was the one pulling,” Mason said. “I already apologized.” “Standing on her property is your idea of an apology?” Ethan gathered my supplies and picked up the torn pass. “Come on. I’ll take you to the proctor.” As we passed, Mason muttered, “She’s good at making you fix everything.” It was the same voice I had heard outside my apartment. Ethan walked me to the testing room, still holding my torn exam pass. “Thank you,” I said, taking it from him. Before, I would have caught his sleeve and told him everything Mason had said. My fingers tightened around the document pouch instead. “Another student stood on my pass, and it tore when I tried to retrieve it,” I told the proctor. “I have both pieces and my identification. Can I still take the exam?” She checked them and nodded. “Yes. Come inside.” Ethan turned toward me. “Avery, do you—” “Candidates only, please,” the proctor said. I thanked him again and went to find my seat. Ethan watched her walk away. She was still gripping that pouch the way she always gripped his sleeve when she was upset. He couldn’t understand why she hadn’t stayed beside him for another moment. After the state merit scholarship exam, the entire school relaxed. That evening, I checked my phone and saw Chloe’s new post. A midnight-blue controller with silver buttons sat beside her headset. It was the same limited edition I had bought Ethan. Her caption read, Back in the game. Thanks for the new controller, Ethan! I stared at the photo, then called him. “What’s wrong?” he asked. “Did you give Chloe the controller I bought you?” “Yeah. Hers broke, and my old one still works.” I looked at the photo again. “But you said you wanted that one.” “I did. I just didn’t need two.” “It took me two weeks to find.” He was quiet for a moment. “Avery, I didn’t know. You should’ve said.” “I thought you’d like it.” “I did like it.” “You gave it away.” He let out a breath. “Can we not argue about a controller?” I hadn’t been angry when I called. I had wanted him to tell me I was wrong about the photo, or at least understand why it hurt. “I bought it for your birthday, Ethan. I didn’t expect to see it on someone else’s desk.” “So now I have to check with you before I do anything?” “That isn’t what I said.” “Then what do you want me to say?” My eyes burned. I no longer wanted to explain how excited I had been when I finally found it, or how carefully I had wrapped the box. “Forget it.” Then he repeated almost the same words I had heard outside prom. “You make everything feel suffocating.” The call ended. I sat on the edge of my bed, holding the silent phone. After that, Ethan and I stopped speaking entirely. Near the end of spring semester, our class organized a graduation dinner. I did not want to attend, but it was one of our final events together. My parents encouraged me to go, and Melissa asked Ethan to make sure I arrived safely. It was the first time we had been alone since our argument. During the drive, Ethan seemed irritated. I tried to start a few conversations, but he answered with “yeah” or “okay.” Eventually, I stopped trying. We spent the rest of the ride like strangers who happened to know everything about each other. The restaurant was loud. Televisions played above the bar, the overhead lights were painfully bright, and conversations overlapped from every direction. Everyone discussed games, basketball, graduation trips, and a beach party. None of it gave me a way into the conversation. I wanted to leave almost as soon as we arrived. Halfway through dinner, someone suggested truth or dare. The bottle passed several classmates before stopping in front of Ethan. “Truth,” he said. The person asking smiled. “Ethan, you’ve always taken such good care of Avery.” He glanced at me, then looked back at Ethan. “Do you like her?” Chapter 4 The table erupted with teasing. I sat straighter, my hands clasped beneath the table. I was about to spare Ethan the embarrassment when he answered first. “Stop. Our families have known each other forever.” The noise faded. “After her accident, our parents asked me to look out for her. That’s all.” He said it so casually. I thought of him lowering the blinds beside my seat and carefully checking my scraped palm. I had felt close to him then. Now, in front of everyone, he made those moments sound like chores our parents had assigned him. I looked down, wishing no one had asked. I went to the restroom and stayed until my face looked composed again. When I stepped into the hallway, I heard voices near the other restroom. “Ethan, when are you going to date someone?” “You’re always with Avery. Who would even try getting close to you?” “She’s been recovering for almost a year. Are you supposed to take care of her forever?” “Chloe obviously likes you. You’ll regret missing that chance because of some childhood promise.” “Think about yourself for once. Stop fixing everything for Avery.” I could not hear Ethan’s response. It no longer mattered. To them, I was both his burden and the obstacle between him and Chloe. I waited outside the private room until he appeared. “I have a headache,” I said. “I’m going home. You don’t need to drive me. I’ll call a cab.” His expression changed. Maybe his friends’ words were still pressing on him. Maybe he had been holding this inside for months. “Can you stop making everyone change their plans for you?” I stared at him. “If you leave, everyone expects me to leave too. I have other friends and things I want to do.” “I didn’t ask you to come.” “But it always ends the same way. You have a headache, so I turn off the lights. You get dizzy, so I drive you home. If you need someone, everybody comes looking for me.” His voice dropped. “I’m not your parent, Avery. I shouldn’t have to be responsible for you forever.” Then he said what had probably been waiting inside him all along. “Can you give me room to breathe?” The words outside prom had not been a moment of frustration. He meant them. I swallowed and checked the car’s arrival time. “You don’t have to drive me anywhere, Ethan. I’ve already arranged my ride.” He looked as though he wanted to speak, but I continued. “If you don’t want to help, tell me. But don’t offer and then blame me for accepting.” My voice shook. I let it. “Thank you for what you’ve done. I’ll make other arrangements from now on.” When my car arrived, I went outside. When the college decisions arrived, Ethan and I both received good offers. Our parents arranged a dinner to celebrate. Halfway through the meal, Melissa smiled at me. “Have you decided, Avery? You and Ethan always wanted Westbridge.” She turned to him. “What about you?” “Westbridge. I’ve decided.” He looked at me. “We should drive up together. You still have that packing list?” “I’m not planning to go—” “If you lost it, we’ll make another one. But you can’t bring so many dresses this time. Leave some room for my stuff.” I closed my mouth and set down my fork. Melissa began asking about his dorm, and I let the conversation move on. Ethan was pleased I hadn’t argued. Usually, I would have insisted on bringing every dress, then spent the rest of dinner planning our trip. Still, he wondered why I had so little to say. Then he remembered Mason saying I was afraid he would leave me behind. Perhaps hearing him confirm Westbridge had reassured me. He didn’t think he needed to ask again. On the way home, Mom asked, “Did something happen between you and Ethan?” She never missed a change in me. “I need to make other arrangements,” I said. “I don’t want to keep wondering whether he’ll resent me every time I need help.” Mom touched my hair. “You’re getting better every day. Needing help sometimes doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong.” Her voice softened. “And I will always take care of you.” Over the next few evenings, I spread my college offers across the kitchen table and compared the courses. Lakeshore had small fiction workshops and a student magazine. I read several issues online, then went back to the course descriptions and marked the classes I wanted to take. Mom sat beside me while I opened the enrollment page. “Lakeshore?” she asked. “Yes. There’s a workshop where students bring in their own stories. I want to try it.” I accepted the offer and paid the deposit. Afterward, my parents took me traveling. I spent the rest of the summer in Lakeshore University’s early transition program. I chose my classes, learned the campus shuttle routes, and returned to light exercise. The dizziness was becoming less frequent, though it still caught me sometimes. During a campus tour, I told the guide I needed to sit down. Another student waited with me on a shaded bench. We talked about our dorm assignments until I felt steady enough to rejoin the group. That evening, I called Mom, finished planning my timetable, and opened my notebook. I read through the unfinished story and began working on the ending. I returned home only briefly before moving three hours away to Lakeshore. A few days later, Ethan came to my house. Mom told me about the conversation afterward. “Is Avery home?” he asked. “I wanted to ask when she’s leaving for Westbridge.” Mom looked surprised. “Avery’s school starts early. She has already left.” Ethan froze. “Westbridge move-in isn’t for another two weeks.” After a pause, he asked quietly, “Where did she go?” “Lakeshore University.”