Thirty Days Until I Leave My Alpha

One month remains until the bonding ceremony, which will take place under the full moon. It will also be the day I finally leave the Blackthorn pack. Seven years ago, I barely survived an attack by a pack of rogue wolves from the Frostlands. Ryan saved my life by tearing a fragment from his own wolf soul and giving it to me. Ever since, I've been branded a liar and a thief who stole an Alpha's wolf soul. For seven years, everyone has believed I'm shamelessly throwing myself at Ryan Blackwood, the Alpha of the Blackthorn pack, refusing to accept that he doesn't want me. Only a handful of people know the truth. My friends have tried to defend me because they can't stand by and watch me take the blame forever. One day, while Ryan is on the phone with William Graybone, I overhear their conversation. "Are you really going to let Ella take the blame for the rest of her life without ever giving her a place by your side?" William asks. Ryan is silent for a long moment before he finally answers, "Vera's mate died saving my life. I owe it to him to take care of her. Besides, I'm the Alpha of this pack. Taking care of every member is my responsibility." William doesn't respond right away. Ryan continues, "Ella loves me for who I am. As for the Luna title, I'll give that to Vera. Ella won't mind." "How could she not mind?" William asks, speaking at last. "You know Ella has waited seven years for you." Ryan falls silent again. Then William's voice turns sharper. "I heard you and Vera are holding the bonding ceremony soon. Ella is already three months pregnant with your pup. What happens when she finds out? What if she can't handle it?" Ryan doesn't hesitate. "Ella will understand." I stand behind the fitting-room curtain, staring at my reflection as I wear the pristine white Moon Goddess Gown beneath the soft glow of the lights. For a moment, everything feels unreal. Ryan once promised that I would wear this very gown and become the Luna of the Blackthorn pack. I believed him. For seven years, I've held on to that promise, even while everyone else calls me shameless for refusing to give up on him. And now, Ryan is here in this very boutique, accompanying another she-wolf as she tries on her bonding ceremony gown. Whereas I'm left hiding behind a curtain, secretly trying on the gown that was once meant for me. I look at my reflection in the mirror and almost laugh. For seven years, I've waited for a man who believes I'll always understand, always forgive, and always stay. Maybe Ryan is wrong about one thing. I'm not going to spend the rest of my life being the she-wolf who understands him at the expense of herself. Chapter 1 Ella's POV Outside the fitting room, Vera Ashford, the mate of the late Alfie Grayson, chose the same ceremonial gown I'd been trying on. She stood in front of the mirror and turned to Ryan with a smile. "How do I look?" Ryan Blackwood, the Alpha of the Blackthorn pack, looked her over, his praise utterly sincere. "You look beautiful." A moment later, the seamstress glanced through the gap in my fitting-room curtain and called out, "Are you coming out? That gown looks even better on you than it does on the lady outside!" I shook my head and quietly closed the curtain. "No, thank you." There was no point in having two identical gowns for the same ceremony. One was enough. After all, there could only be one Luna. As I changed out of the gown, my phone rang. It was Ryan. "Ella, have you had lunch yet?" In the background, I could hear the seamstress complimenting Vera, followed by Vera's soft laughter. The sound made my chest tighten. Before I could answer, Ryan continued, "I'm sorry, Ella. I probably won't be able to make it home for lunch today. Vera's feeling down because she's been thinking about her mate, and I need to stay with her." I stood in the cramped fitting room, staring at the ceremonial gown I'd dreamed of wearing for seven years. "So because she's feeling down, you're accompanying her to pick out a gown for your bonding ceremony?" Silence fell over the line. After a long pause, Ryan asked quietly, "You found out?" He drew a deep breath before continuing. "Ella, you know what happened back then better than anyone. I owe Vera and her family a debt I can't ignore. Her parents aren't in good health, and this is the only thing they've ever asked of me. I can't refuse them." Every word sounded reasonable. He had an explanation for everything, as he always did. But not once did he seem to consider what any of it was doing to me. "What about me?" I asked. There was another brief silence. Then Ryan's voice softened. "Ella, you're my mate. The Moon Goddess herself knows that. That has never changed." He paused before adding, "Once the bonding ceremony is over, I'll find the right opportunity to break the bond with Vera. Then I'll mate with you. You're the only she-wolf who will ever be Luna of the Blackthorn pack." His voice grew gentler, as though he were painting a future he expected me to hold on to. "When the time comes, I'll take you to choose your own ceremony gown. We'll go to Moon Bay and watch the ocean together. I'll make up for every anniversary I've missed, one by one." I tightened my grip on the phone until my knuckles turned white. "If you love me that much, Ryan, why can't you just call off the ceremony?" Silence. This time, it lasted so long that I almost thought he'd hung up. When he finally spoke, his voice was hoarse. "I owe Vera's family a debt I have to repay. I closed my eyes. "But I promise you this. Once that debt is paid, I'll spend the rest of my life loving only you. I swear I won't make you wait much longer." "Is that so?" The words came out colder than I'd intended. Ryan seemed to hear the change in my voice. Exhaustion seeped into his words, but he still kept his tone gentle. "Of course. Ella, you're the only she-wolf I've ever wanted to mate. Will you wait for me?" I didn't answer. For seven years, I'd waited, but not anymore. I simply hung up. My chest tightened until I could barely breathe. There were countless ways Ryan could have repaid his debt. Yet somehow, he'd chosen the one that humiliated me the most. It was his debt to repay, but I was the one paying the price. Through our mate bond, I could still feel his emotions, even from a distance. Once, that connection had been the thing I cherished most. Knowing I could reach him no matter how far apart we were had made me feel like I would never truly be alone. Now, I wanted nothing more than to sever it. He could feel my anger and despair just as clearly as I could feel his. And yet, even knowing exactly how much he was hurting me, he still didn't turn back. Chapter 2 Ella's POV As I left the boutique, I caught sight of Ryan helping Vera straighten her gown. He was so focused on her that he didn't even notice me walking past. I didn't stop. I went straight to my mom's house and told her about my decision. "Mom, I'm leaving the Blackthorn pack. I'm going to join the Northstar pack." She immediately grabbed my hand, her face tight with worry. "Ella, you can't go there. That's no place for you. Have you lost your mind? Even if you don't want to mate with Ryan anymore, you shouldn't go somewhere that dangerous." I lowered my eyes and fell silent. The Northstar pack was nothing like ours. Their wolves were wilder, stronger, and far more dominant. They were also widely regarded as the strongest pack on the entire continent. Once one of their wolves claimed a mate, their possessiveness could turn almost feral. That was exactly why I'd chosen them. I wanted to put as much distance as possible between myself and Ryan. If I joined the Northstar pack, there would be no going back, no more waiting for him, and no more hoping he'd choose me. I could finally leave him behind for good and never look back. After a long silence, Mom sighed and squeezed my hand. "Whatever you decide, Ella, I'll support you." … That night, on my way home, I came across Vera's latest post. She'd uploaded a photo of herself lying on the bed while Ryan crouched beside her, gently massaging her ankle. He wore a lazy, affectionate smile, the kind I'd once thought was meant only for me. Her caption read, "Moved into my new home today! From now on, Ryan and I get to wake up together and fall asleep together every day. I won't have to worry about getting hurt anymore." Several of our mutual friends immediately flooded the comments with congratulations. Then I saw Ryan's reply. "From moonrise to moonset." I stared at the photo until a bitter taste filled my mouth. … When I got home, Ryan wasn't there, just as I'd expected. I went to bed alone, my thoughts drifting in and out until exhaustion finally pulled me under. At 3:00 am, I woke from a nightmare. Still half-asleep, I instinctively reached for the warmth beside me, only to find nothing but cold, empty sheets. I lay there in a daze for a moment before reaching for my phone and calling Ryan. "Where are you?" His voice was groggy, as if I'd just pulled him from a deep sleep. "Ella, what's wrong? Another nightmare? I'm coming home." I sat on the edge of the bed, my bare feet resting against the cold floor as my fingers tightened around the phone. After Ryan saved my life seven years ago, nightmares had become a regular part of my life. Whenever I woke up frightened, he would stay beside me, holding me and soothing me until I drifted back to sleep. But tonight, he wasn't there. Three minutes later, Ryan pushed open the door, letting the chill of the night air into the room. He sat beside me and handed me a glass of warm milk, guilt flickering in his eyes. "Sorry, Ella. I was helping Vera move into her new place this afternoon. I was exhausted and ended up falling asleep there. Have you been waiting for me long?" "Where did she move?" Ryan was silent for a couple of seconds before answering hoarsely. "I promised her mate, Alfie, that I'd take care of Vera. It was more convenient this way, so she moved into the house next door." A quiet laugh escaped me. He knew perfectly well that I couldn't stand Vera, yet he'd moved her right next door without a second thought for how I'd feel. He had taken what little dignity I had left and ground it into the dirt, without stopping to consider how much it would hurt me or what people would think. And when I finally confronted him, all he had was one simple excuse—it was more convenient. I turned my face away, my chest tightening until it was hard to breathe. Ryan seemed to notice the change in my expression. He moved closer and lowered his voice, trying to coax me into letting it go. "Don't be mad, Ella. I'll take you to pick out your ceremonial gown tomorrow. This time, I'll be there only for you, okay?" I didn't answer. I'd heard promises like that from Ryan more times than I could count. Every time, it was the same story. Vera needed him for something, and I was expected to understand. Then he'd promise to make it up to me later, as if another promise could somehow erase the one he'd already broken. After seven years of waiting, I was simply too tired to believe him anymore. …. Early the next morning, Ryan brought out a catalog of ceremonial gown designs. He had just told me to choose whichever style I liked when the doorbell rang. I avoided his gaze and got up to answer it. But the moment I opened the door and saw who was standing there, I froze. Vera's parents stood on the doorstep, both wearing warm smiles. The moment they saw me, however, those smiles disappeared. For a brief second, neither of them said a word. Then Vera's mother suddenly exploded, her face twisting with fury. Chapter 3 Ella's POV "Ella Whitmore, Alpha Ryan has already agreed to take our daughter as his mate. She's going to be this pack's Luna, yet you're still hanging onto him. Do you really want to be the she-wolf who comes between a mated couple?" I stood there, my trembling fingers digging into my palms. I wanted to tell her that this was my home, that I'd been with Ryan for seven years, and that he'd nearly given his life to save mine. I wasn't some shameless she-wolf trying to destroy another couple's relationship. But before I could get a word out, Vera's mother, Stella Baker, raised her hand and swung at me. Just before her palm could strike my face, Ryan stepped in front of me and caught her wrist in a crushing grip. His expression darkened as he stared her down. "Stella, are you really going to hit her right in front of me? Fighting among pack members is strictly forbidden in the Blackthorn pack. Are you trying to get yourself banished?" Stella opened her mouth, clearly unwilling to back down, but after a tense moment, she reluctantly lowered her hand. I took half a step back and forced myself to stay calm. "Don't worry. I won't be the she-wolf who comes between them. I'll leave Ryan." Ryan went rigid. He stared at me, pain flashing across his face as if my words had struck him harder than any blow. Before he could say anything, Stella's eyes fell on the ring hanging around my neck. Her expression changed instantly, and her voice rose in accusation. "Why is Vera's moonstone around your neck? Did you steal it from her?" She pointed at me, her voice echoing through the room. "The Blackthorn pack has no place for a thief. Get out!" I lowered my gaze to the moonstone hanging around my neck. Seven years ago, Ryan had given it to me as a symbol of our bond, with the Moon Goddess as our witness. But a few months ago, Vera had lost control of her emotions, and Ryan had handed the moonstone over to her without a second thought. He returned it to me a few days later, but by then, the whole thing had already left a bitter taste in my mouth. "Give Vera her moonstone back!" Stella snapped as she reached for it. Ryan finally spoke. He took two steps toward me and held out his hand, his voice trembling slightly. "Ella…" I knew exactly what he was about to do. Just like every time before, whenever it came down to Vera and me, he would choose to protect her. This time, I didn't wait for him to take it from me. I reached up, unclasped the moonstone myself, and tossed it toward Stella. The ring traced a graceful arc through the air before landing at her feet with a sharp metallic clink. "I've never stooped to stealing something that doesn't belong to me." I looked straight at Ryan, forcing myself to keep my voice steady with every word. "Keep the ring. As of today, it has nothing to do with me." Vera's father had watched the entire confrontation with cold, unreadable eyes. At last, he turned to Ryan. "Alpha Ryan, your former mate has been clinging to you for years. Now she's showing up at your home and stealing from us. You need to make your position clear to her right now, in front of everyone." Ryan remained silent for a long moment before finally walking toward me. When he stopped in front of me, his voice was low and heavy. "Ella, I'm going to take Vera as my mate. She will be my mate and the Luna of this pack. If you continue stealing from Vera or hurting her, then as the Alpha, I'll have no choice but to banish you from the pack." The mate bond couldn't lie. Even as he spoke those words, I could feel everything he was trying to hide—the pain, the guilt, the heartbreak. I knew this wasn't easy for him. But none of that changed the truth. When it came down to me and another she-wolf, Ryan had chosen to hurt me. I looked at him and suddenly smiled. Vera's father chose that moment to speak. "Ella, have some dignity. You don't want to be banished from the pack, do you?" I nodded. "Fine." Without another word, I turned and walked away, keeping my back straight and my head held high. From the outside, I probably looked utterly defeated, but strangely enough, my heart had never felt calmer. Ryan seemed to panic. He hurried after me and grabbed my wrist before I could leave. He shut the door behind us and pulled me outside. For a long moment, he said nothing. Then his hand slowly moved toward my stomach. I instinctively stepped back. His hand stopped in midair. After a few seconds, he lowered his voice. "You know, Ella… I promised Alfie that I'd take care of Vera. I didn't mean any of the things I said back there…" I interrupted him, my voice hoarse as I finished the explanation for him. "I know. You just wanted to reassure them." Ryan seemed to let out a quiet breath of relief. I forced a faint smile, trying to hide the exhaustion that had settled deep in my bones, and looked at him. "But Ryan, we should end this. Just like you said, you need to take care of Vera, and I don't want to be treated like some she-wolf who came between another couple's bond." Ryan froze. After a long silence, he pulled me into his arms, his voice heavy with exhaustion. "Ella, I know you're angry, but I have to do this. I promise you, once I've repaid the debt I owe Alfie, I'll ask Vera to break the bond. You've waited seven years for me. Why can't you wait a little longer?" He tightened his arms around me before adding softly, "Besides, you're carrying my pup. Do you really want our pup to be born without a father?" I cried silently against his chest. Seven years of love and the pup growing inside me had become the very things Ryan was certain would keep me from leaving. To him, they were reasons I'd stay and wait for him, no matter how much it hurt. He would never know that I was already planning to leave for the Northstar pack. Chapter 4 Ella's POV When I got to my mom's house, I stayed in bed for the rest of the day, too exhausted to do anything else. The next morning, a sharp cramp suddenly tore through my abdomen. The pain was so intense that I could barely stand, so Mom insisted on taking me to the healing center. On the way there, she asked again, "Ella, are you really sure you want to go to the Northstar pack? Those wolves are fierce and ruthless. No she-wolf willingly goes there, and there's no guarantee they'll even accept you." I was about to answer when our car was suddenly slammed from behind. The crash was deafening, and my body was thrown forward. My stomach struck the seat in front of me, and a searing pain tore through my abdomen. Within seconds, I felt warmth running down my legs. When I looked down, my blood ran cold. I clutched my stomach, my face draining of color as the pain became unbearable. Before I could even catch my breath, the driver's door of the Bentley behind us flew open. Vera stumbled out and rushed toward our car, her face deathly pale. "Ella, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to!" she cried. "I saw you on the road and wanted to apologize for what my parents did yesterday. That's why I followed you. I was trying to figure out how to talk to you, but I got distracted and wasn't paying attention. I'm so, so sorry…" She grabbed my hand, tears streaming down her face as she desperately tried to explain herself. But her voice was already fading into the background. My vision blurred, and the world began spinning around me. With the last of my strength, I shoved her away. … When I opened my eyes again, I was lying in the healing center with Mom sitting beside my bed. Her eyes were red and swollen, and her lips trembled as she looked at me. "Ella… your pup…" She swallowed hard, struggling to get the words out. "You lost the pup." The moment I heard that, I sensed the tiny wolf soul inside me had disappeared. A broken sob tore from my throat as the truth sank in. My pup was gone. Vera had taken a part of me. … That evening, Ryan came to the healing center with Vera. Her eyes were red and swollen from crying, and she stayed close behind him, looking small and frightened. Before I could say a word, Ryan stepped in front of her, shielding her with his body as though he were afraid I might hurt her. "Ella, I'm so sorry about what happened," he said, his voice heavy with exhaustion. "But Vera didn't do it on purpose. She's already consumed with guilt. You need to stop blaming her." The absurdity of his words made me laugh bitterly. "Why should I?" Ryan sighed. "It was just an accident, Ella. Vera didn't do it on purpose. Why are you insisting on making this into something more?" A quiet sob came from behind him. Vera wiped at her tears and whispered, "I'm sorry, Ella. I really didn't mean for this to happen." She lowered her head, her voice trembling as she added, "But if you hadn't kept clinging to Alpha Ryan, my parents never would have gone looking for you. I wouldn't have followed you to apologize, and none of this would have happened…" I stared at her in disbelief. "Are you blaming me?" Ryan's expression tightened. "Ella, don't be so harsh. You're scaring Vera." I looked at the Alpha I'd loved for seven years, and something inside me went cold. Vera had caused the death of our pup, yet Ryan was still standing in front of her, protecting her from me. Not once had he asked how I was doing. Not once had he looked at me like I was the one who had just lost everything. After several long seconds of silence, Ryan finally spoke again. "Ella, harming another pack member is grounds for banishment in the Blackthorn pack. Vera can't be banished, so I need you to promise me that you'll treat this as an unfortunate accident." I stared at him, barely able to believe what I was hearing. Ryan fell silent. And in that silence, I finally understood. He wasn't asking me to forgive Vera because he believed she was innocent. He was asking me to forgive her because protecting her mattered more to him than what she'd taken from me. A few seconds later, Ryan pulled out a photograph and flicked open a lighter with his other hand. The flame rose toward the photograph, hovering just inches from the edge. I recognized it immediately. "Ryan, that's the last photograph I have of my father!" I screamed. "Then the choice is yours." He held the photograph steady, the flame dancing dangerously close to it. "Ella, if you promise me this was nothing more than an accident, I won't do anything." Behind him, Vera broke down sobbing. "Ella, I can't be banished! My mate died saving Alpha Ryan. If I'm banished, I'll die out there!" One of them was holding the last photograph I had of my father over a flame, forcing me to choose between it and justice. The other was drowning me in guilt, making me feel responsible for whatever happened to her. Neither of them cared that I was the one lying in that bed, the one who had just lost her pup. The man who had once promised to protect me for the rest of my life was now the one pushing me toward the edge. The flame crept closer to the photograph. I sobbed helplessly as I stared at Ryan. For a fleeting moment, I saw guilt and hesitation flicker across his eyes, but his hand never moved away. "Ella, have you made your decision?" The flame was almost touching the photograph. My throat burned as I forced the words out. "Stop, Ryan. I'll do it." With trembling hands, I picked up my phone and posted a statement. "I'm Ella Whitmore. Yesterday's car accident was just an accident. No one was responsible for what happened." Ryan let out a long breath of relief. He lowered the lighter and immediately leaned down to hug me, but I pulled away before he could touch me. His body stiffened, but he didn't force me. Instead, he looked at me and made another promise. "Ella, trust me. I'll make you my Luna." I said nothing. I simply stared at him, silently crying inside. That would never happen. I would never give him another chance to hurt me. My wolf's powerful healing ability helped me recover quickly. That same night, I returned home, packed everything I owned, and left the Blackthorn pack's territory with nothing but my suitcase. … Third-Person POV When Ryan returned home later that night, he couldn't stop thinking about the despair on Ella's face. For some reason, an uneasy feeling settled deep in his chest, though he couldn't explain why. The next morning, he went straight back to the healing center. But when he reached Ella's room, she was nowhere to be found. "Healer Carter," he called out to the pack healer hurrying down the hall. "Where's Ella? Why isn't she here?" He glanced toward the empty room, his brow furrowing. "She was just in a car accident, and she was carrying my pup. Why would she leave before she's fully recovered?" Healer Samuel Carter stopped in his tracks and stared at Ryan in disbelief. "Alpha Ryan, what are you talking about?" His expression hardened. "Didn't you know? Ella lost the pup in the accident." Ryan's face went pale. Samuel continued, his voice cold. "And Ella herself… left the Blackthorn pack last night."