Just Being with You in This Life

The first time I met Quentin, he was standing on a podium in front of thousands of people, giving a speech as a representative of the freshmen. He was tall and handsome, and I fell in love with him at first sight. Then, I began my three years of pursuing him. Until one day, he accepted my love letter and food. He said to me, “Let's give it a try.” "But Jane Logan, I'm not that into you." I should have been upset. But at that time, I was just happy that he finally reacted to me. With deep love for him, I determined to be with him no matter what. I swore that one day, I would make Quentin love me as much as I loved him. But seven years had passed, and I began to feel tired of this relationship. I began to understand something. People who don't love you will never love you back, no matter how well you treat them. People who love you will favor you for no reason, even if you do nothing. But for Quentin, I was the unloved, and Willow was favored. I smiled gratefully at the colleague who helped me. My wound stopped bleeding. But the wound seemed quite deep, and the burning pain made my nose sore. Noticing my abnormality, Quentin sneered, "It's just a small cut. Why are you making a fuss here? Now, you will either apologize to Willow or get out of here. Don't embarrass yourself here." I clenched my fist, my fingertips piercing into my palm. I stared at him for a long time. After calming down, I gave a faint smile and said, "It seems that I don't have to book the room with a king-size bed for you and Ms. Jackson." "I'll get out of your hair now. Bye." I turned and left. Behind me, Willow's apologetic voice sounded, "Quentin, maybe you should chase her. Jane looks mad." Quentin sneered disdainfully, "Don't worry about her. She is just crazy." As soon as I got home, it started raining heavily. Without turning on the lights, I fell asleep on the sofa without realizing it. Perhaps Quentin felt strange that I didn't question him today. He actually sent me an address at around eleven o'clock. He said that I hadn't eaten anything that night and that the wound on my face needed to be treated. So, he would take me to have something before going to the hospital and helping address my wound. Looking at the storm outside the window, I hesitated. But he called, saying he had arrived and was waiting for me. After pondering for a moment, I picked up my coat and plunged into the rain. Soon, I arrived at the door of the restaurant he had reserved. Although I had an umbrella, my clothes were still wet and stuck to my body, my teeth chattering from the cold. I called Quentin, but he said he had something urgent to do and asked me to order first. He would be there soon. Knowing that he had drunk a lot at night, I ordered some soup and a few other side dishes. After the dishes were served, I called him again, but no one answered. Without waiting for him, I began to dig in. After finishing my food, I checked my phone and saw Willow's post: [The luckiest thing in the world is to have you with me whenever I need you.] She seemed to be in a hotel room with ambiguous lighting, and there was a man's back wrapped in a bath towel. I smiled self-mockingly. "So, Quentin is having a great time with Willow right now. No wonder he forgot about me so completely." After paying the bill, I stood at the door of the empty restaurant. The lights behind me were also turned off one by one. The gentle drizzle fell with the wind, wetting my face The wind seemed to blow away the last trace of obsession in my heart, even clearing my mind. I grasped my coat tightly and calmly sent a breakup text message to Quentin.

Quentin never responded. He didn't return until the next day. The shirt that I helped to iron before he left became wrinkled. There were a few lipstick marks on the collar. He looked weary. While rubbing his temple with his hand, he saw me sitting on the sofa. He strode over immediately and tried to rest his head on my lap, wanting me to rub his head for him. The perfume on him made me sick. I dodged him calmly. His drooping shoulders stiffened. He stood up and looked at me with a displeased expression. "Willow, haven't you made enough trouble? I thought last night was enough for you to reflect on yourself." I found him ridiculous. He was the one who cheated on me. But just because I love him, he firmly believed that the person who would finally surrender would be me. He never thought that I would be tired, too. "I'm not making trouble. Did you read the text message?" "Let's break up." I looked at him calmly. He instantly became furious. "You wanna pick up a fight again?" "You're even threatening me with breaking up. Do you believe that yourself?" I pursed my lips. For the past seven years, Quentin has been the one who has always wanted to break up with me. But I cried and begged him to stay. It was normal that he couldn't adapt to the new situation for a while. Thinking of Willow's post last night, I couldn't help but look at the lipstick marks on his collar. He followed my gaze, and his eyes suddenly became flustered. Then, he was enraged again and yelled at me, "It was just an accident. Don't think too much about it." "Well, I won't." I thought I would be a bit sad to hear that. Unexpectedly, I felt calm, which was not what I imagined. My abnormal reaction rendered him speechless, unable to continue to blame me. After a long pause, he frowned and looked at me. "Aren't you jealous? Won't you ask me why I didn't come back last night and who I was with?" He looked even more displeased. Speechless, I wondered what his problem was. He was annoyed when I was jealous and questioned him before. Now, I am not jealous anymore, but he doesn't believe it. "I'm serious. I'll move out in a few days when I find a new place. Then, you and Willow can live together." I swore that I was telling the truth. But Quentin grabbed my wrist, making me frown in pain. He said confidently, even with a hint of laughter, "Jane, do you still claim that you are not jealous?" "She just returned from abroad and was drunk again yesterday. I can't just ignore her." "If it's because you got stood up last night, I can take you out for dinner tonight to make up for it, alright?!" "Now, make me some carrot soup. My stomach is a little uncomfortable." He looked like he was doing me a favor and was helpless. For some reason, his attitude made me feel angry. I wanted to break up with him, but he didn't take it seriously at all. "No. I can have dinner myself." "As for you, you are already an adult. You should be able to make carrot soup. Oh, you can also ask Willow to cook it for you." "You actually want me to go find Willow?" "I told you that there's nothing between me and her!" I looked at the furious Quentin in silence. I used to think he was emotionally stable. But surprisingly, he could also be excited one day. I didn't sleep well last night and was woken up by him early in the morning. So, I yawned and perfunctorily replied while checking my phone, "Okay, got it. I'm going to bed. Close the door when you go out." After saying that, I turned around and went back to my room. Just as I got into bed, I heard the door was slammed shut from the next room. I knew he was furious. He slammed the door so hard, probably hinting that I should take the lead in making peace with him. But I just turned over and fell into a deep sleep. It indeed felt better to see others suffer than to make yourself suffer. No wonder Quentin liked to give me the cold shoulder.

Maybe it was because I stayed up too late at night. I failed to be woken up by my two alarms on Monday morning. In anxiety, I rushed to the gate of my community. During the morning rush hour, I couldn't even get a taxi. However, a marketing manager in my company also lived in the same community. He once offered to give me a ride every day as if it were carpooling. He was in his fifties and had a wife and children. But Quentin didn't like me having contact with any other men. And he had to pick up Willow every day. As a result, I had to get up an hour earlier every day and take two subway shifts. I ran into the marketing manager today. He asked me if I needed any help. While I was hesitating, Quentin's car stopped in front of me. He glanced at the car behind him unhappily and said coldly, "Get in." I was a little surprised. Just as I was about to get in the car, his cell phone rang. I saw Willow's name on his phone screen. Soon, Willow's pretentious voice came over. I walked to the car behind Willow's car in silence and got into the marketing manager's car. Just as I fastened my seat belt, I received a text message from Quentin: [Willow has a stomachache. I will bring her breakfast first. You can take a taxi to the company.] I knew this would happen. Luckily, I thought ahead of it. When the two cars passed each other, I met Quentin's eyes, and he opened his mouth in surprise. Fortunately, I wasn't late. I transfer some money to the marketing manager. Just as I sat down in my seat, Quentin sent me a message asking me why I took another man's car and saying that it was very inappropriate. "Unbelievable. If I didn't do that, I would be late for work." I thought. He sent me a few long voice messages, but I didn't want to listen to them. I replied: [Stop it. I'm busy.] Then, I started working. Perhaps my attitude finally made him realize that something was wrong. At noon, he actually condescended to come and have lunch with me. Willow also followed. She naturally took Quentin's arm and said, "Quentin, let's go have lunch together." It was as if she suddenly noticed my presence. "Hey, Jane. It's a pity that they don't have your favorite food today. So, it's best if you don't join us." In the past, I would be jealous and pester Quentin to accompany me or follow them to dine outside anyway. But that annoyed Quentin a lot, and he always said that my presence made all three of us uncomfortable. So, I stepped aside and gave them privacy today, chuckling, "You're right. I won't go. You two can go." Hearing what I said, Quentin looked unhappy. He suddenly shook off Willow's hand. The latter was surprised for a moment. Then, Willow's eyes immediately turned red. "Quentin, what's wrong? Is Jane upset again? If so, she can join us in lunch, then." Without replying to me, Quentin took a few steps back. "I have a girlfriend. Please keep a distance from me." Willow's face immediately turned pale. She ran away crying, feeling humiliated. Quentin looked at me with pride and confidence like a big dog waiting for praise. "Jane, shall we go have lunch?" "No. Let's keep our distance in the company." That was the first time he treated Willow that way. He looked at me expectantly. But what I said made him suddenly feel dejected. I couldn't understand him. "Isn't this what he's always want?" I thought. In order to join the same company with him, I worked hard to pass the postgraduate entrance examination. But after I entered the company, the first thing he said to me was, "It's better to keep our distance in the company." "Why does he look so hurt right now?" I wondered. He probably wanted me to coax him, but I remained silent. He sighed and took out a portion of sweet and sour ribs from behind him. We spoke almost at the same time, "But I bought your favorite food, sweet and sour ribs." "Besides, we've already broken up." Awkwardness prevailed suddenly. I looked at the sweet and sour ribs in his hand, knowing that he must have felt proud that he could do so much for me. But I still reminded him with a smile, "You remembered it wrong. I don't like sweet and sour ribs. Willow loves them." When Willow first came back, I didn't realize the seriousness of the problem. I felt sorry for her and was willing to put up with her when Quentin told me that she was alone and helpless. Willow would always order sweet and sour ribs. Both of them loved that dish. It turned out that they had the same tastes and interests. So, they were really a perfect match. I, on the other hand, love spicy food. Every time I ate with Quentin and Willow, I couldn't eat well. He wanted to say something more, but Willow called him. I didn't know what she said. But Quentin looked panicked. He stuffed the sweet and sour ribs into my hands and said anxiously, "We'll talk about this later." Then, he rushed out the door. I looked at his back and threw the lunch box he gave me into the trash can. After having lunch with my colleagues, I focused on work for the whole afternoon. Before leaving after work, my colleague Linda brought me a cute little band-aid and iodine. She gently addressed my wound and said, "Girls can't have scars on their faces." I was no longer nervous. I had devoted the past several years to Quentin. Unfortunately, he was still cold to me. For the first time, I felt other people's kindness. My nose started to feel sore again. Although Linda and I weren't very close, my heart softened at that moment. "Thank you."